There’s a feeling you get, before you lose something, especially that something is a someone, and that someone is certainly serendipitous. It is feeling that strikes you harder than any other, for it is something that we cannot understand, nor be born or develop the faculties to comprehend, but if you know the feeling of what i speak then you know that…
You’ll fold, everthing in you that held up any manner of weight, anything in the loose construct that is the human body and psyche will collapse, and you will care nothing for the pieces falling down. You just want the world to stop turning, you want it to burn or crumble or shatter into as many pieces you feel that you’re made of, you’ll pound your fists, carve your flesh, break everything you can see and touch, imbibe or inhale any sort of costly cure, you’ll weep in ways you’ve never known before, you’ll cry out in harsh choking sobs, so that everything will just stop, and that moment will never come when you know that you’ve lost someone who you care more for than you do yourself…whether by a broken heart or wasting sickness, though many would argue they are one in the same…
the last time i felt it was when i was told my sister was on the phone, because i knew my dad had finally passed…
i just felt it again, but it wont be the end of anything, i’m not going to lose her to my faults…
To find the what hunts you, lay in wait as if nothing has changed and you are unaware, feign weakness to feed their perceptions, but remember that what these wolves perceive is a lie, you are strong and they are weak, for they may act fierce, hunt in packs, snarl and bite….but they need you none the less…Without you they are nothing, they cannot survive…
Show them this, Then in their fugue cut the legs out from under them and go for the heart..-A
We bear everything, every ounce of weight, and fate, and meaning within our hands, there they are set in stone, ignored though ever reminding, denouncing as if to negate, til the Last man faces his regrets alone..-A
Build a little place within your mind, where you can be at peace, knowing every pebble and blade of grass, storing all discord til its time to fell the wall and unleash, the reveling dancing flame that will forever, last…-A
Everything that wears down on your calm, on the fiber of your being, fractures you ever so slightly, but instead of worrying about when the cracks will cause your collapse, look at them and see all the pretty shapes they make..-A
When you’re buried in the sand there’s a few things to do, count the grating grains that get under your eyelids and holding your breath…for they sequester time and time again, the devil, the deity, the djinn, for they’re afraid to begin, to spend, a single second, trying to correct it, so i lay here counting and tasting salt, replaying their cries that others were at fault and forgiving them of their endless assault..-A
